Browse Professor Quotes
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
The doctor chimed in, I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
The pastor said, Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?
The greenskeeper replied, Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. The doctor said, Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them. The engineer said, Why can't these guys play at night?
The doctor chimed in, I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
The pastor said, Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?
The greenskeeper replied, Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. The doctor said, Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them. The engineer said, Why can't these guys play at night?
—A great engineering joke.
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, Where did you get such a great bike?
The second engineer replied, Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, Take what you want.
The first engineer nodded approvingly, Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit.
The second engineer replied, Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, Take what you want.
The first engineer nodded approvingly, Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit.
—great engineer joke
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager
were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down
a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed.
The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the
crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along
the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a
problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no
brakes. What were they to do?
I know, said the Departmental Manager, Let's have a meeting, propose
a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a
process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical
Problems, and we can be on our way.
No, no, said the Hardware Engineer, That will take far too long, and
besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army
knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking
system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.
Well, said the Software Engineer, Before we do anything, I think we
should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.
were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down
a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed.
The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the
crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along
the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a
problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no
brakes. What were they to do?
I know, said the Departmental Manager, Let's have a meeting, propose
a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a
process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical
Problems, and we can be on our way.
No, no, said the Hardware Engineer, That will take far too long, and
besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army
knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking
system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.
Well, said the Software Engineer, Before we do anything, I think we
should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.
—Professor Jolt, History 101: History of The Daily Jolt
We are now accepting professor quotes. So I know your professor's are funny so send in your quotes.
—Dailyjolt
The standard way to find out what something is made is to shoot at it!
—Prof. Fahri, 8.01, why Rutherford shot alpha-particles to find nuclei.
How many cells are there in the human body? About 10 trillion. So it would take me quite a while to sketch them all out....I'll just draw a few.
—Professor David Page, 7.03(Genetics) Lecture
How many cells are there in the human body? About 10 trillion. So it would take me quite a while to sketch them all out....I'll just draw a few.
—Professor David Page, 7.03(Genetics) Lecture
Thats why the book is so good, i.e. it follows what I would do.
—Prof. Mattuck, 18.02a, explaining why Simmons Calculus with Analytic Geometry is so good.
Thats why the book is so good, i.e. it follows what I would do.
—Prof. Mattuck, 18.02a, explaining why Simmons Calculus with Analytic Geometry is so good.
If any man or woman disagrees with the answer speak now or forever hold your peace.
—Prof. Mattuck, 18.02a after mentally calculating a double integral.
I'm not a modest person, in fact most MIT professors aren't.
—Prof. Mattuck in 18.02a(Calculus) lecture.
There must be 12,000 erasers down here - it's the eraser black hole!
—Prof. Farhi, 8.01 professor, in 26-100, watching yet another eraser fall between the blackboard ledge and the wall, 2 1/2 feet closer to hell
While holding this here, I touch the shaft and then the charges flow
—8.02 Professor